Family Ties
by Hu Gibbet
Summary: It's just before Christmas Eve - a time where Tobias usually deals with a case of the blues - when he finds himself strangely relieved to be asked to join for family dinner by Rachel.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Special thanks to dogman15 for a surprisingly informative review which helped me edit this short story for the better. Made a few changes and modified some of the dialogue (removed the "AAAAH!" line; I swear I have no recollection of typing it).**

TOBIAS

It was December 23rd. Evening was closing. The day before Christmas Eve. Even after all these years I still find it hard to endure. I've always been a loner at heart; I've made my peace with it. But it was hard to let go of old ties, and humans are social creatures. For the past few years I've stayed away from my usual place in the forest when it got around to this time. I didn't want my friends to come and try to cheer me up tentatively, knowing they couldn't very well invite a hawk over for Christmas dinner. They meant well, I know that. It was enough.

This year, though, things were a little different. I had the morphing ability again. They might ask me to come to one of their dinners. The thing is, I'm not entirely sure they actually want me there. Do they cherish me? Of course. I cherish them. They'd want me to be happy on Christmas Eve. But there's always room in the dinner scene for me to slip up and make things awkward. I've grown used to being a hawk in solitary; I was worried that I'd forgotten to do the little things in public to avoid cause for concern. Blinking regularly and facial expressions, for one thing.

That's all assuming I'm even asked to join dinner. It would be pretty embarrassing of me to start worrying about those details without even being invited first.

I was perched on a dead tree looking down at Ax, who was sifting snow through his hands. Sometimes he'd roll snowballs and throw them high in the air to whip through them with his blade.

He was alone, too. He had more right to feel sorry for himself than I do. I felt slightly ashamed for getting worked up about social etiquette. I may have been isolated from humans, but definitely not to the same extent as Ax was from his own people. I flew away, planning to keep my mind occupied with hunting. Just 2 more days to endure and Christmas will be over again. I flapped my wings a little harder. No thermals at this time, so I didn't stay up as high. That's why I didn't initially see the bald eagle flying at a much higher distance over me.

((Hey, Tobias. Glad I found you so quickly.)) Rachel. My heart started beating a little faster. Calm down, I told myself. Maybe she's here because there's a problem.

((Hey, Rachel. Is something wrong?)) I flew low to land on a particularly thick branch. A few seconds later she landed neatly beside me. Eagle and hawk, perched side by side. Odd couple. But so was human and bird.

((Ouch. Is that the only reason you think I'd come to hang with you?)) she asked playfully. She didn't wait for an answer. ((I was going to ask tomorrow, but I was worried that you might've flown away like you did last year. Without a word. So I had to catch you earlier.)) So she didn't stop trying to find me after the first Christmas of me as a nohlit. That first time, she had suggested us doing something similar to what she did for me on my birthday. A little private get-together in her room. It was painful enough for my birthday, but I'm sure it would've been worse for Christmas. Well, maybe not painful. Bittersweet. It was kind of her... really kind. And it was as bittersweet for her too. I couldn't put her through that again. Hence why I flew off in the following year before the morning of Christmas Eve.

((Ask me... what?)) I felt a strange sinking sensation in my stomach as I asked. Or was it a rising feeling?

((Well... maybe 'asking' isn't the right word, seeing as that would imply you have a choice. You're gonna join me for Christmas dinner. Tomorrow night.))

((Rachel, I don't -))

((Tobias, if I don't see you tommorow - if you fly out on me again, I swear I'll find you and tear out your tail feathers. Then I'll drag you back here. So you can make this easy or hard. Your choice.))

I didn't say anything. When I thought of the possibility of being asked to join dinner, I had expected myself to panic about how to carry myself around the family, keep my mannerisms natural. But all I felt was relief. Relief that she was so persistent. Relief that she left no room to be awkward about spending the evening with her family. Relief that she was mine.

((Yeah, well... You don't really leave me much of a choice, Rachel. Although my answer would've been the same even if you didn't threaten my well-being)) I joked. Then I added, ((I'll be there. What time?))

She didn't respond for a few seconds. Her eagle expression was inscrutable but I would assume that she was taken back. She must've expected me to resist more strongly. Why did I have to make things so hard for her in the past? Well, not anymore. I'll do right by her this time. I'll make my first proper Christmas dinner count. ((Oh, well, dinner starts at 8, but come by at 7:30. You can just de-morph and morph again in the bathroom once you reach your limit. You can do it as many times as needed.)) How long did she expect me to stay there? Not that I was complaining. Then, more uncertainly, she asked, ((You will come, won't you? You aren't just agreeing so I'll lay off you, right?))

((I won't leave you hanging. I promise. I'm actually looking forward to it.))

The eagle straightened a little. ((Really? Well, yeah, so am I, actually! Mom's not exactly the best cook, and it's not the most fun with just family so you'll be a welcome addition. They'll take to you right away, I'm sure. No worries. It'll be a nice dinner.))

I laughed. Was she actually flustered? ((7:30 tomorrow. Got it. I'll borrow some clothes from Jake before I come. You should get going. I'll see you tomorrow.))

((You better,)) she said softly.

((Or else?)) I quipped.

((Exactly. Or else.)) I laughed again as she took off.


	2. Chapter 2

The relief I had felt for being asked to join Rachel for dinner had worn off and now replaced by a familiar anxiety for the oncoming dinner. I was right outside the door, in my human morph (for how long have I considered it a morph?) and wearing clothes that Jake picked out for me. They fit well enough. I had practiced blinking regularly and constantly shifting my facial expression to keep it from being blank for too long.

I was worried. But it was a nice change of pace from the usual melancholy I feel around this time of the year. I rang the doorbell.

"Oh hello there, Tobias! You came at the right time. We were just setting the dinner table. Please, come in." It was her mother, and while Rachel had complained to me in the past about her mother being a nervous bundle of energy, at this moment she seemed homely. At peace.

"Thank you for having me over... I really do appreciate it. I hope I'm not imposing." My voice started out strong but it reduced to a mumble by the end. Not a very good first impression. But she seemed to be sympathetic.

"Not at all, not at all. The more the merrier." She gave me a searching look, but it was more out of concern than suspicion. Of course. I was spending Christmas away from my family. She must've thought I had a bad situation at home. Well she wasn't entirely wrong, and I had a story prepared in case she decided to start asking questions.

"I can help set the table." I did not remember how to set a table. Nor whether I've ever actually done so. Probably not. Definitely not.

"Oh don't worry about it, dear. It must've been cold outside - why don't you take off your jacket and shoes and relax in the living room? Warm yourself up."

Not a bad start at all. My confidence grew. It's not that I ever lost my familiarity with my human morph, I've just become uncomfortable with it ever since I became a nohlit. But that was slowly starting to change. I walked into the living room to find Sara sitting beneath the Christmas tree, counting her presents. She looked up at me as I walked in. No shyness in her eyes. Her youngest sister, and seemed to be every bit as bold as her.

After contemplating me for a few seconds she loudly announced, "I have more presents than I did last year!" I thought she would ask my name or introduce herself, but maybe Rachel told her about me already.

"That's nice. How many presents did you have last year?" I asked as I sat on the sofa.

"Um..." she pressed a finger to her chin and looked up as if in thought. "8, I had 8 presents. Yeah!"

"Wow, 8? I'm actually jealous of you." She grinned at me in response.

"How many presents do you have? More than me?"

My weak attempt at an older-brotherly expression vanished. "No... not more."

"That's OK, you can have one of my presents if you want." Bold, but not conceited. I didn't know many children who'd offer up one of their Christmas presents, even if they had a lot. Especially if they had a lot.

I hitched a smile. "No, that's fine. It's nice of you but I'll be alright."

Her counting finished, she fingered the bow on top of her head. "This was a Christmas present too, but mom said I could have it now."

"It looks very pretty on you."

"No it doesn't! Johnny said it looked like a fly sitting on my head. But I don't care what he says. It's my present."

"I don't care what Johnny said either, it looks very pretty on you. It really compliments your eyes." She didn't say anything to that, but her angry expression softened. She stared down at her presents. I was surprised at how naturally it came out of me. To actually be in a home for Christmas... it wasn't my own, and yet I didn't feel tense.

"I thought you were dating Rachel, not wittle Sara." Another girl appeared from the side of the staircase, wearing a white tanktop and tight jean shorts. Jordan. She had a light smirk on her lips.

"I didn't mean anything like that, I just wanted to make her feel good. The bow does look nice on her, though." My face was getting hot. It was easier with Sara. She was still a child. Not very judgmental. But Jordan was closer to Rachel's age.

"Gotcha. Why aren't you cuddling up with Rachel now, anyway?"

"Oh, I didn't - I figured it would be rude to barge right into her room unannounced. More polite to wait down here, right?"

She shrugged. "Well she definitely doesn't like having anyone come into her room. I'm sure you're the exception though, haha." She looked me up and down. "I didn't think she was the type of girl who preferred betas." Betas? I was going to ask her what she meant when a foot swung out of nowhere and landed on her butt spot on. She yelped and jumped. "What the hell, Rach? That really wasn't necessary!"

"Neither was calling my boyfriend a beta," Rachel said calmly as she walked to the bottom of the staircase. Jordon swore under her breath as she walked into the kitchen, still massaging her sore rump with a hand. Rachel turned to me. "I thought I heard your voice from above. I have to admit I didn't actually expect you to come." She did have somewhat of a surprised expression on her face. Or maybe it was wonder.

"You look amazing," I mumbled. Corny, but true. Maybe it was the orange glow that the fireplace threw across the room, but it did make her skin positively glow. Her blonde hair was straightened and she was wearing a white nightgown that reached just above her knees. But most of all, her eyes lacked the bloodwrath that was usually visible in them when discussing matters concerning the Yeerks, which was starting to become more and more often. Ax had made a comment a few days ago about how he thought it was becoming a permanent expression on her face. But tonight, her eyes weren't fierce. They were actually amiable. Inviting.

"Oh, only now?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No, I didn't mean it like that or anything, I was just - " I was cut off with a laugh from her.

"Oh relax, Tobias, I'm only playing with you. I can take a compliment. Thanks. You're looking good in that shirt too. Did Jake intentionally get one that was a little tight?" She laughed again when I pulled at the front of it, trying to loosen it up. "It's fine, really. I said you looked good in it, didn't I?"

"Right. Guess I'm the one can't take a compliment," I grinned. Sara got up and was pulling my hand with all her might.

"Come on, Tobi! Let's go eat already!"

I let her pull me up and added, "That rhymed; you're a poet and you didn't even know it." Another corny line. I heard it on some TV show I watched as a kid. It may have been old, but it was good enough to send Sara into a fit of the giggles. Rachel beamed at me. I was starting to feel more and more comfortable with the setting. I was glad that although I still had to put an effort into displaying human mannerisms, my perception of others' emotions hadn't been stinted. I could still read people's expressions as well as I used to. And so the three of us walked into the kitchen, Rachel on my left and Sara swinging off my arm to the right. I made sure to have both of them seated beside me. I wasn't too keen on sitting next to Jordan. She was definitely trouble.

We were finally seated, and the first flaw in an otherwise perfect evening so far was me overlooking the possibility of Jordan sitting directly opposite, facing me. Rachel's mom handed me a large slice of the turkey and the stuffing she made with her own recipe. She stared at me nervously as I forked some of both and ate them, chewing slowly.

"You could leave out the stuffing if you wish. My girls don't like it all that much. The turkey's fine on its own."

"And by 'leave out' she means 'spit out,'"Jordan added. "Believe me, we've all been there." Her mom smiled weakly and suddenly Jordan winced. I didn't see anything but I'd bet 50 dollars that Rachel had just aimed a kick at her from under the table. Her blazing eyes gave it away.

I swallowed. "I think your daughters are crazy, to be honest. I actually like the stuffing more than the turkey." It was a bit of a stretch, but my struggle for portraying human expressions actually worked in my favor as I was able to hold back from making a face because of the... unique flavor. Bits of eggshells in the stuffing. Assuming they're eggshells, of course. Not to mention a bit too much pepper. But her mother was convinced. She gushed.

"Oh thank you, I'm so glad you like it! Maybe they do have poor taste, after all."

"Can I have a 2nd helping of the stuffing, please? If that's alright."

"Only if you gimme your piece of the turkey, Tobi!" Sara chirped.

"Sara! Of course you can, Tobias. Go ahead, go ahead! Eat as much as you want!" She was in a positively good mood now, actually starting to hum under her breath. Jordan stared at me in exaggerated shock while Rachel winked and mouthed, Nice Going.

We had about 5 minutes of comfortable (that's right, comfortable) silence in eating our meals when Jordan finally popped the question.

"Why're you chilling with us on Christmas Eve, anyway? Why aren't you with your family?" Did I mention she was going to be trouble? To be fair, she didn't ask it in a particularly venomous way. It was an offhand question, but it was enough to tick off Rachel.

"What does it matter?" she snarled. "We're as good as, aren't we?"

"I like Tobi!" Sara garbled with a mouth full of food. Bless her.

"Exactly. So shut it, Jordan. You're really starting to piss me off." I had to step in. She was glaring at Jordan, food forgotten, and Jordan showed every sign of wanting to retaliate.

So I stepped in. "Easy there, Rachel. It's a fair enough question. You guys were cool enough to have me over even though I wasn't family. I can answer it." I looked at Jordan. Seeing as her eyes were still indignantly focused on Rachel, it was easy to keep eye contact with her. "My situation at home isn't all that great. I mean, it's not horrible or anything. But my guardian - whether it's my aunt or uncle - don't really care much for family ties. They don't treat me bad. They actually don't really treat me at all. It's manageable but it's not the kind of place I'd want to be around Christmas time." Jordan was finally looking at me now so I shifted my gaze to Rachel, who had a strange expression on her face. Once upon a time I'd have called it pity, but now I'd say it was compassion. I shifted my gaze again to her mother, who held a tender expression. It was easier to keep eye contact with her this time.

Jordan wasn't finished yet, though. "So all these years, you spend Christmas at other people's places? I'm just curious!" she added hastily as Rachel gripped her spoon as if desiring nothing more than to shove it down her throat.

"No. This is my first time with another family. The past few years I just kinda did my own thing."

"So why now?"

"Rachel threatened my life if I didn't join you. I'm not stupid enough to test fate." The tension gone, everyone laughed and Rachel grinned at me ruefully.

20 minutes later, dinner was finished and everyone was in the living room watching a Christmas special. Frosty the Snowman. I had a bit of trouble concentrating on the film with Sara babbling away in my ear about anything and everything. I didn't mind though, strangely enough. I really didn't.

Rachel left a minute ago to the bathroom, and I heard her voice calling from the top of the stairs. "Tobias, why don't you come up for a sec? I don't think I've properly given you the tour of the top floor." Oh, right. I haven't spent a single moment alone with her since last evening. Jordan wolfwhistled. I glanced at her mother nervously. How would she react to her eldest daughter asking her boyfriend to come into her room? On Christmas Eve? But she gave me a small smile and nodded lightly before turning her gaze to the television again. I got up and headed towards the staircase. Sara made to follow me but Jordan held her back and said in a silky voice, "No no, Sara. Big boy Tobi wants some alone time with Bigguh sister."

"To do what?"

She smirked at me. "Mucha smooches, I'm sure."

"Eww!" Sara scrunched up her face and made kissing noises with her mouth. Jordan laughed. I headed up the stairs without interruption and straight into Rachel's room.


	3. Chapter 3

RACHEL

"She give you any trouble?"

I was sitting on the edge of my bed while Tobias sat on the opposite end, facing me.

He shook his head. "Jordan? She won't be a problem once you introduce her to Marco. They'd fit like two peas in a pod, I think."

My eyes widened and I giggled. "Oh my god, you're right. I never noticed the similarities until now! Maybe that's why I've never been attracted to him." I batted my eyelids. It's been a while since I've done that.

"Yeah, maybe they should be introduced. I mean Marco's the only one in our team who doesn't have a special somebody. Even Ax has that one female Andalite he met."

"Didn't he reject her?"

"Yeah. But who knows, he might warm up to her once this war is over and he returns home."

My voice softened. "Enough about the others, Tobias..."

"Oh. Right. Yeah, we finally get a moment alone. Let's talk about something else."

I kept my eyes trained on him. I couldn't look away. He was fidgeting with a corner of my quilt and his eyes slowly travelled around the room as he talked. I decided to go first. Slowly bring the topic around.

"So... what did you think of dinner? Is your throat searing from that stuffing? She always adds too much chilly powder."

"I thought it was pepper." He smiled. "It really wasn't that bad. And besides, it was worth it to see that expression on your mom's face."

I kept my eyes on his face, searching. I wanted him to look at me. "You miss your mom, don't you?"

He focused on me, finally. He lowered his eyes as he sighed, but he looked at me once again. "Yeah. Of course I do, especially now that I've gotten a taste of what it's like to have one."

I felt guilty. Was it a mistake to invite him over for dinner with the family? Maybe it should've been just a private meeting. The two of us. Then it would've been just about him and me, and no mention nor contact with a family he didn't have.

"I didn't mean to re-open old wounds or anything. I was just sick of worrying about what thoughts filled your head when you're off 'doing your own thing' at this time of the year. I just wanted you to... I dunno. I wanted you to feel that you belong. I'm sorry."

He had his eyes on me the entire time, and when I apologized his lips formed a faint smile. "I'm not."

"Huh?" I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic.

At my confusion his face split into a grin that reached his eyes.

"You think I regretted coming here tonight? Regretted you asking me to join your family for dinner, no matter how weird it could've been? Rachel, I..." He paused here, as if choosing his words carefully. It's not something I've seen him do often, if at all. "I actually felt at peace with you guys. None of it was forced. I actually enjoyed your mom's company. I actually enjoyed Sara's company."

"And what about Jordan?" A little jab. Trying to mask the enormous amount of relief I was feeling at this moment right here. He accepted my family. There won't be any ultimatum of choosing between my family and Tobias. I could have both. My heart lurched. I felt 5 different emotions in the span of a split-second. Or is that what true relief felt like?

"All things considered, Rachel, I'm glad she asked those questions. I needed to get them out of the way. I thought your mom would be the one to ask them, though."

We both just sat there quietly for a few seconds. Tobias then lowered his eyes and rested them on my legs. When he first arrived here I was wearing stockings underneath. But I had taken them off when I went upstairs just after dinner.

He stared.

Out of nowhere, I felt such a strong urge to possess him. "Enjoying the view?" I teased. Not something I really do. But he had just told me he was comfortable with my family, and he can be downright adorable whenever he got flustered. So why not?

He scratched his head, his eyes darting around. Was he beginning to blush? "I didn't mean ... I have to go." He got up automatically and his face was expressionless again.

"Whoa, Tobias! Don't be scared, I wasn't implying anything! It was just for fun. Relax," I consoled him as I got up and walked towards him. Why did I think it would be a good idea to tease him like that?

"It's not that. I just realized, my 2 hours are running out. I think it's time to make my exit. Rachel, thanks again for having me over. I really do apprecia-"

"Just de-morph and morph again in the bathroom. That was the original plan, wasn't it?"

"It's getting late. The dinner's finished and they're just watching movies until they fall to sleep. Your mom is probably expecting me to go soon anyway. I can't overstay my wel-"

"Let her be the judge of that. I'm going to go ask her." I headed to the door at a fast pace. I didn't want him to argue further. To make it clear how anxious he was to leave. I'm sure he didn't want to. He was just worried about Mom and her approval of a boyfriend staying over so late. But he wasn't like the others. Mom knew he was different. He was special. Not a player. Not obsessed with sex. For crying out loud he got flustered just from seeing a pair of exposed legs. She'll let him stay. I'll see to that.

And thank god he didn't say another word of protest.

"He shouldn't go back home so soon, Mom... His uncle has a drinking problem. He's not safe there, especially since the drinking is even worse around Christmas time." Mom didn't shake her head or frown as I said all that.

"Of course he has to stay. At least until Christmas is over. We have that unused guestroom, don't we? And I'm sure we have a spare toothbrush somewhere... well, you'll look for that."

I was actually speechless. "You mean... you'll let him stay the night? For real?"

She sighed. "The poor thing. In his mid-teens, and he considers this his first Christmas dinner? He should know what it feels like to fall asleep in a decent home, not just dine there." She looked at me sharply. "And I trust you not to do any funny business with him. I mean it."

"No risk of that. Tobias isn't that kind of guy."

"It's not Tobias I'm worried about," she chuckled as she flicked my forehead playfully and walked away. I didn't even scowl. He was staying the night. He'll be sleeping here. In my home.


	4. Chapter 4

RACHEL

We were watching television in the living room at a low volume. Just 2 hours ago Tobias had read Sara a storybook as she fell asleep. She demanded it, and he did a surprisingly good job of storytelling. I knew Sara adored him. He was a model big brother. He'd make a good father, too.

I blinked. That thought came outta nowhere. And it sent a jolt through me. I was thinking too far ahead, ridiculously too far ahead. Focus on the present. I looked over at him. He was dozing off. We had some eggnog just now, and it seemed to be having its effects on him. He kept forcing himself awake.

"Don't worry," I said softly, touching his shoulder. "If you fall asleep I'll wake you up instantly. I don't feel any exhaustion at all." It was true. I wanted to drink in this night for all its worth. Tobias and me watching television together on a Christmas Eve, in the warmth of a home. A huge improvement over that one birthday of his.

He nodded. "I've got 40 minutes left before the time-limit... make sure to remind me incase I doze off. Maybe I should just morph into a hawk again for the remainder of the night? Everyone's asleep."

I shook my head. "Not yet. You'll do that once I start getting tired, too. Until then I just want to enjoy your company as a human, OK?" He smiled guilty. Then he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

"What for?"

"My limitations for being human."

"Shh... just shut up and rest your head. You look cute when you're dozing. It's the first time I've seen you like this." He smiled again and didn't say another word. 5 minutes later he was dozing. 15 minutes later he was definitely asleep. An additional 10 minutes later he was snoring gently. Even his snoring was cute. Not the loud guttural sounds you'd expect; it was a tiny whistle that his nose made every time he exhaled. There was about 10 minutes left in his time limit. I should wake him up. But he looked so peaceful asleep. I couldn't bring myself to disrupt it.

About two minutes were left. I needed to wake him. If he's stuck as a human again he'll be of no use to us in the war against the Yeerks. No use as an Animorph. A liability, in fact. He needed to de-morph.

But he looked so peaceful.

I reached out a hand to shake him, but I ended up lightly tracing his cheek with the tips of my fingers. I was going to shout his name in his ear, but I ended up whispering. My breathing quickened. Surely, two minutes have passed by now. Surely it was already too la-

He grunted in his sleep. Then his eyebrows furrowed and he started moving his head. Then he groaned. And my heart sank when his eyes opened.

"Rachel? Ungh... I'm glad you're still awake. I must've dozed off, I think... what time? How much time do I..." His eyes widened when he glanced at the clock. "Holy crap!"

"Tobias, wait. The clock's just fast." I had to wince at that. Really feeble. I should've turned back the hand of that clock. If only I had done that...

He started de-morphing, and my heart sank even further when my eyes fell upon that hawk again. That awful, red-tailed hawk. What happened? Does the morphing technology force you awake if you're sleeping when you reach the end of your time limit?

He morphed back to his human self again. I was relieved. Only slightly. I was worried that he might've simply left as a hawk. But I made sure all the windows were closed, anyway.

He didn't look too happy. All traces of drowsiness were gone. "Rachel, what the hell? No seriously, what the hell? I told you to wake me up well before the time limit!"

I looked away. "You still had time left..."

"Just barely! And you showed no signs of going to wake me up. Why, Rachel? The Animorphs need all the manpower they can get! They can't afford to lose anyone."

Anger was coming to my defense now. "What do you mean, why? You know perfectly why, Tobias. You fit so perfectly into this family. Better than I could have ever hoped. My mom feels for you, and Sara idolizes you. You might even be able to move in. I'm serious. You might've become a part of this family. So what's wrong with wanting that? What's wrong with desiring that? What's wrong with wishing for that?" I didn't shout. My voice was imploring. It was unusual for me, but he was used to seeing me show a fit of rage. I had to try something different. Get to him.

His indignation did leave him, and was slowly replaced by a sombre expression. "Nothing. There's nothing wrong with... I want that too, I really do. You know I do! I don't need to say it. But it comes at the cost of losing my usefulness as an Animorph. Something that's necessary to give us a fighting chance of saving this planet. Living with your family, eventually calling them my own family... that's all I ever want in this life. But if I did that now, with the threat still out there, I'd be way too guilty to enjoy it. Too guilty and too worried for your well-being."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. But the team needs me. And I'm no use to them as a human nohlit. I'm sorry."

"It won't make much of a difference. You're not exactly the best fighter in the team, Tobias. I am. Your job was scouting. You were only an average fighter. Below-average, even. So you becoming human won't be too much of a loss. It sounds harsh but it's the truth."

He lowered his eyes. "You're right, Rachel. It's not much of a difference. But we really can't take any chances here. If I go human permanently, we're taking a huge risk. We're talking about the end of the world here."

"THEN LET IT END!" This time it was definitely a shout. Tobias jumped. His eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Haven't we done enough, Tobias? Haven't we given enough? Don't at least one of us have the right to retire?" My eyes burned with anger. And the beginning of tears. But I refused to let them drop. I wasn't going to become an emotional wreck. Not now, even though my voice was unsteady. But the look on his face made it clear that he made up his mind.

He got up slowly. He was walking towards the door. I stood in the way. I stepped towards him, fists clenched. I felt that unusual possessiveness again. "I see. So you'll just willingly leave all this behind. For glory. You don't care."

On past occasions, he'd always take a step back whenever I advanced towards him in a temper. This time, though, he stood his ground. He kept eye contact with me. Most surprisingly, he stepped towards me.

And kissed me.

A million thoughts darted through my head. The more ruthless ones were impulses of wanting to bite and tear his bottom lip off. But the only impulse I followed through with was the one to kiss him back. So much for that solid personality of yours, Rachel. He had his hands around my waist. I was surprised at how passionate he was. I don't mean that he was lolling his tongue around in my mouth like a dying fish. There was just an intensity that was there. A real, terrifying intensity. I had lost all concept of time as I felt his lips on mine.

He finally broke away. "Say that again, Rachel. Say that I don't care. That I don't love you. That I don't worship you. That I don't feel grateful every day that I wake up and think, Rachel's still mine. I'm stuck as a bird but she's still mine. She's a goddess that can get any guy she wants but she still chose to be mine. With all the emotional baggage that comes along with me, she's still mine."

"Just shut up and kiss me again, will you?" False bravado. I couldn't respond any other way. My tearducts were burning again, threatening a waterfall release. Couldn't lose my composure. I was Xena, Warrior Princess, wasn't I? And oh god, were those tears in his eyes, too? Was he keeping them from falling for my sake?

"You think I don't want to yield, Rachel? That I don't want to just give in and have the family I never had? To wake up in the same home as you every day? I'm tempted, Rachel. I'm really tempted. But I could never be happy staying at home, no longer on your side in the battlefield. I know how bloodthirsty you can get. That concern for your well-being would've destroyed me." He barely spoke in a whisper. And I barely responded in a whisper.

"Now you know how I feel, Tobias. Whenever you fly off for alone time in that damn forest of yours with all the predators who could make a meal out of you at any given moment, and I'm all safe and cosy in my bedroom."

"Yeah... but you were always made of stronger stuff than me, Rach."

Rach? He said Rach.

I snuck a hand onto the back of his head. "Don't flatter me, Tobias. I - I thought told you to kiss me again." I stuttered. Damn him. And damn me, too.

-Epilogue-

TOBIAS

It wasn't the first kiss we've shared, but it was the first kiss that I've ever initiated. It was also the last.

Rachel's death was part of an elaborate plan to put an end to the invasion once and for all. She went down fighting, and she wouldn't have had it any other way. That doesn't make me feel much better. As a matter of fact it didn't make me feel any better at all. But a small voice in the back of my head that often spoke in Rachel's voice reminded me that her last words were "I love you." Even in the midst of a fatal battle, she delivered that line. The blood-lust didn't have a total grip on her like we thought it did. She was able to put it aside, just for those final few seconds. And she had eyes only for me even in the prospects of a grisly death.

It offered me some small comfort when my anguish became particularly bad. A small amount. Not much.

But my one true regret, as I climbed aboard the Rachel with Marco and Jake, was that I never returned to Rachel's family when the war was over. That I didn't instantly become a human nohlit and walk right into their broken home. Hug Sara. Hug Jordan. Hug their mother. I always thought my presence there would be too painful for them. A sad reminder that more than just Rachel's life was taken on that fateful day. But maybe I would've also been exactly what they needed. Maybe I could've provided them a small measure of comfort like Rachel's last words did for me. Maybe. I'll never find out. Jake took Rachel away from me in order to save humanity. And now by tracking me down and enlisting my help onto his mission impossible, he'll be sending me back into her embrace soon enough.

It's a small comfort. Not much, but I'll take what I can get.


End file.
